


“loneliness is my best friend”

by anorangecarrot



Series: where i dump all my haikyuu fic ideas [1]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: ?? - Freeform, Character Study, Gen, Happy Ending, Introspection, Tsukishima Kei & Yamaguchi Tadashi Friendship, Tsukishima Kei is Bad at Feelings, Yamaguchi Tadashi is a Good Friend, i think it's one at least
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-30
Updated: 2020-11-30
Packaged: 2021-03-09 22:34:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,319
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27793912
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/anorangecarrot/pseuds/anorangecarrot
Summary: Tsukishima Kei learns the meaning of having friends. (And he likes it.)
Relationships: Tsukishima Kei & Karasuno Volleyball Club, Tsukishima Kei & Yamaguchi Tadashi
Series: where i dump all my haikyuu fic ideas [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2076894
Comments: 6
Kudos: 29





	“loneliness is my best friend”

Occasionally, Tsukishima Kei longed for friends.

  
  


Despite the impression that he liked to give off, he knew loneliness. Hell, they were best friends, the two of them.

  
  


It had always been there, watching him with narrowed, beady eyes from the dark corners of his barren room. It followed him everywhere; to school, to practise, to the half-abandoned convenience store down his street. Wherever he went, it was sure to tag along - no matter the landscape, the environment.

  
  


And Tsukishima hated it. (Or did he?)

  
  


Of course, Yamaguchi had been a ray of sunshine - keeping him company ever since they met, introducing him to faces from the classes neighbouring theirs. He was truly thankful for the freckled teen and his efforts. Yamaguchi had been the light of his life, casting away the frightful shadows with each sweet, practised smile of his; Tsukishima could see the creature flinch away from the pair.

  
  


Yamaguchi was nice, he concluded.

  
  


Yamaguchi made the bad things go away.

  
  


That alone was enough for Tsukishima to swallow his pride and let the younger stick around him. Although their friendship was ridiculously one-sided, the other had always humbly remained by his side. It wasn’t like Yamaguchi didn’t have other friends, no - the entirety of the next class loved having his presence lingering in their classroom during lunch break. Tsukishima hated the pitying looks he got whenever strangers dragged Yamaguchi away from him. Obviously, Yamaguchi had ten-fold the friends he had - ten-fold the options.

  
  


But Yamaguchi chose him.

  
  


Every paired project, every recess, every lunch break, Yamaguchi would always run to him with an expression so kind and heartwarming. If Yamaguchi had a ranking list of his friends, Tsukishima was sure to be at the very top, name written in cursive and framed with gold, above hundreds of scribbled names.

  
  


He thought Yamaguchi was a nice person.

  
  


Yamaguchi was nice to him.

  
  


The distorted shadow shrieked.

  
  


“I bought you your favourite: strawberry shortcake! Ah, I know you told me not to buy a birthday cake for you, but it’s your _birthday_! I couldn’t help it. But if you really don’t want to eat it, that’s perfectly fine. I’ll just, uh, eat it myself or find someone else-”

  
  


“It’s okay.”

  
  


He had no idea what he’d said okay to.

  
  


He thought Yamaguchi was weird. He didn’t understand the language the other spoke, even with the millions of books he’d read and all the research he’d done during his free time. He barely understood Yamaguchi at the beginning, but by the time they’d graduated middle school, all he could hear was a string of incoherent words.

  
  


Yet there was that one word he could effortlessly recognize.

  
  


“Tsukki-!”

  
  


Where the hell did that even come from? Tsukishima couldn’t understand why Yamaguchi called him that. Everyone from school called him “Tsukishima”. His immediate family called him “Kei”. The creature never came close enough for them to exchange words. But Yamaguchi? Yamaguchi called him “Tsukki”.

  
  


“Why do you call me that?”

  
  


“Call you what?”

  
  


“‘Tsukki’.”

  
  


Yamaguchi’s smile lit up his room.

  
  


“Because you’re Tsukki!”

  
  


Weird.

  
  


But he never said anything about it. He didn’t want Yamaguchi to stop calling him that. And he had no clue why. It had been his first time meeting someone like Yamaguchi, after all.

  
  


Hm. Maybe he was the weird one.

  
  


By the time they’d graduated, he thought of Yamaguchi as something between an acquaintance and distant friend.

  
  


Yamaguchi’s presence was nice.

  
  


He enjoyed being around Yamaguchi. Volleyball time with Yamaguchi became more frequent. They began hanging out during school breaks - they went to quaint cafes for strawberry shortcake, and fast-food chains scattered across Miyagi prefecture for “the softest, floppiest french fries in the world”.

  
  


Wherever the pair went, the shadows dispersed.

  
  


Tsukishima thought it was like a fairytale.

  
  


“Tsukki, let’s join the volleyball club when we start at Karasuno!”

  
  


Volleyball club? Karasuno High Boys’ Volleyball Club?

  
  


“No.”

  
  


He understood Yamaguchi. He also knew that he didn’t want a repeat of what happened with Akiteru. Did Yamaguchi understand him? Did Yamaguchi know? They’d grown very close over the years; surely, as friends, Yamaguchi could understand his language.

  
  


“But you’re so good at it. I’m jealous…”

  
  


“Shut up, Yamaguchi.”

  
  


He froze. No, he didn’t mean it. He couldn’t lose his friend over such a petty thing. He was angry - angry at himself because Yamaguchi seemed to look up to him. He was miserable. Yamaguchi wanting to be like him is the same as Yamaguchi wanting to be miserable. He’d fucked up, he was sorry, so sorry, please, he didn’t mean it, I’m sorry, don’t let me lose him-

  
  


“Sorry, Tsukki!”

  
  


Yamaguchi had smiled, eyes twinkling in a way he’d never seen before.

  
  


Yeah, Yamaguchi was weird. And he still had a lot to learn to understand Yamaguchi.

  
  


Spring rolled into their lives, as did the waves of soft peachy-pink petals and responsibilities of any senior high student. The topic of the volleyball club popped up halfway through their conversation. Surprisingly, Tsukishima was the one to bring it up.

  
  


“Yamaguchi, do you want to join the volleyball club?”

  
  


“Of course I do, Tsukki! I want to join it with you.”

  
  


Nope. He couldn’t understand Yamaguchi. But he’d learnt a thing or two over the years - he’d caught the gist of it. He didn’t understand, but Yamaguchi had pointed him in the right direction. With time and effort, he’d eventually understand one day.

  
  


“Okay. Then let’s join together.”

  
  


He’d never forgotten the look on Yamaguchi’s face.

  
  


He liked it.

  
  


Yamaguchi was his friend. (Yamaguchi made him happy.)

  
  


He liked having friends. (Friends made him happy.)

  
  


He liked Yamaguchi, he decided.

  
  


The shadowy creature had been long gone; he’d completely forgotten about it. He’d forgotten the days he didn’t have Yamaguchi. He’d forgotten the days he was alone.

  
  


Until several months later, after he’d met the team and all it had to offer - chaotic lunches, exaggerated gossiping, ridiculous but mutual passion for volleyball.

  
  


“Do you know my name?”

  
  


The creature jumped at the sudden acknowledgement. It flew across his unlit room, leaving a trail of smudged shadows behind. It was strange, talking to what had been silently watching him before he could even remember.

  
  


“Tsukki…”

  
  


“Don’t call me that.” (Only Yamaguchi can call me that.)

  
  


It smiled wistfully. “Goodbye, Tsukishima.”

  
  


He almost didn’t want it to go. It had always kept him company. It had sat quietly, watching him as he bounced the volleyball on the wall. It had sung softly, lulling him to sleep whenever he had nightmares - which had been more often than he’d ever admitted it to be. It had kept him company during his worst times when no one else had been around to comfort his younger self. A product of his loneliness that had made him less lonely.

  
  


“Will I see you again?” (Will you be my friend?)

  
  


It cried. “You’re happier now.” (You don't need me anymore.)

  
  


And he watched the darkness fade into the moonlight. He felt as if a weight had been lifted off his skinny shoulders. He breathed in - without the weight, it was much easier.

  
  


It smelt of sunshine and flowers. (Is this what happiness smells like?)

  
  


Tsukishima heard chatter from outside his window. He slowly rose from his desk chair and peeked down into his backyard - he did it in one easy, swift motion. He felt free.

  
  


“Y-You’re breaking into his house-!”

  
  


“Hush, young one. It’s a team rule that if our parents aren’t home for a night, we’ll all have a sleepover at the person’s house.”

  
  


“Ah... Tsukki’s going to kill me...”

  
  


Several figures successfully climbed over the rather tall fencing. Tsukishima barely bit back a giggle when he saw the shortest two of the team struggle to even heave themselves up onto the fence.

  
  


(My friends are such idiots.)

  
  


(Yamaguchi is such an idiot.)

  
  


Oftentimes, Tsukishima Kei’s friends made him happy.

  
  


(This is nice. I like this.)

  
  


Tsukishima smiled.

**Author's Note:**

> edit (8/1/21): i made a [carrd](https://anorangecarrot.carrd.co/#) so you can learn more about me & find me on other platforms :>


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